Friday, February 5, 2010

Let's Talk About Sex

So now that we have discussed a bit about what marriage should look like; I would like to move on to the notion of "Why Bother". Meaning why should I bother to get married? Does it really change anything? In most single people's minds marriage seems to be a nice, wholesome, religious practice that will take place sometime in the future. More associated with starting a family.

Until that time "sexing" seems to be the norm. See we don't call it "dating" anymore. Dating is what our grandparents or parents used to do. They used to just go to a movie or go out to dinner then give each other a quick kiss goodnight...end of story. Nice wholesome stuff.{which by the way wasn't always the case. Sex outside of marriage is by no means a new invention}. But now we go to the movie and then have sex. Go out to dinner then have sex. Go to a party...find someone to have sex. Go to college...because there's lots of sex! Oh yeah, college is the best because now you don't have to try to hide from the parents. Right? Anyways I think you get the picture.

Maybe your parents weren't wholesome. Maybe they had all kinds of sex before they got married. Heck maybe they never even bothered to get married. So why wait to have sex? Or if you have already had sex, why worry about it now? What's done is done right? Maybe someone took your virginity by force. So you think there is no turning back now. You can't get your virginity back. Well, physically, no. But spiritually, yes.

Marriage is a common thread in every civilization in the world throughout history. I have yet to come across an ancient culture, tribe or nation that did not practice some sort of marriage ritual marriage. So marriage is not a Christian thing. Marriage is a human thing. Yes, God was the one that invented marriage in Eden with Adam and Eve. {we discussed this in the earlier posts}. But what God also put in all mankind whether Godly or not, is a desire to have relationship. Relationship with friends, family, co-workers etc. But also the desire for intimate relationship and commitment between two people. Dare I say a desire to be married. Why does anyone have sex in the first place? They want to feel loved. They want to feel wanted. They want to feel that they intimately belong to someone. But sex can't actually do those things. Sex as God intended was to be an expression of a already committed, loving relationship.

Now what the enemy has done over the years is try to destroy what God had intended. This has all been done under the deception that as long as you love someone, you can have sex with them. Moreover you should have sex with them as a way to express how much you do love them. How may of us have heard things like this? "Sex isn't bad or wrong sex is love. How can love be wrong?" or "Just let your love flow" "Do what feels right. Don't fight your feelings." "Just do it! Unleash your passions." These are all horrible perversions of what God intended for human sexuality. Look is a way of expressing love within God's truth. That truth is marriage. Just because sex is involved in a situation doesn't make it love. Just because you love someone doesn't have to mean you have sex with them. Otherwise we would have to say that pedophilia is love, or that bestiality is love, or that orgies are love, or that infidelity is love. See how silly that sounds? BTW there is no such thing as "just sex" without feeling or spirit involved. We will get to that a bit later.

So why does God have such seemingly strict rules on who and when you can have sex? Because God is trying to protect you from the ploy of the enemy to destroy you. No, sex outside of marriage won't kill you, but it sure can be destructive. Let me tell you why.

When I was younger I remember being told that sex outside of marriage was a bad idea because there was no commitment. That marriage is the commitment. But then as a grew older I began to notice that there were a lot of people who were married but not committed. Likewise there were a lot of people who weren't married who seemed very committed to one another. Now there is no doubt that having sex without being committed is a bad idea. I would wager that anyone reading this blog that lost their virginity prior to marriage didn't marry or stay in a long-term relationship with the person they lost their virginity to. Which is unfortunate due to the fact that you make a blood covenant with the person you loose your virginity to. Why do you think it is nearly impossible to forget that person? You have a covenant with that person whether you ever see them again or not.

So what if you are committed to that person and have been in a long-term relationship? Or at least you think you are. A good test would be to discuss marriage with them. If they are in fact committed to you then they should be OK acting on that commitment. Because remember love and sex is NOT the commitment. If it was everyone would still be with the one that they had sex with or loved. Doesn't happen. The bottom line is that marriage is the commitment. But along with the actual commitment to marry someone comes something that commitment in and of itself can not offer. That is the unification and seal of God.

God has been a part of every marriage in history. Not just Christian marriages; ALL marriages. Why? Because God invented marriage. They are His truth, His territory. So as long as the people getting married were in the bounds of God's truth that defines marriage. Remember the verse in Eden "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife...and the two shall become one flesh." {Gen. 2:24} They are united and sealed by God. Good old William Shakespeare even seemed to have that figured out.

"Tis not the many oaths that make the truth,
But the plain single vow that is vow'd true.
What is not holy, that we swear not by,
But take the High'st to witness: then pray you, tell me,
If I should swear by God's great attributes,
I loved you dearly, would you believe my oaths,
When I did love you ill? This has no holding,
To swear by him whom I protest to love
That I will work against him: therefore your oaths
Are words and poor conditions, but unsealed
At least in my opinion."
Diana to Bertram in All's Well That Ends Well by William Shakespeare

So no matter how much you LOVE someone or are soooo COMMITTED to them; you are even totally MONOGAMOUS with them. You are not and can never be completely united with them unless you are sealed by God in marriage. And you are in a sexual relationship in which marriage is not on the horizon you are never going to feel totally committed to that person. Or you are never going to feel that person is totally committed to you. The reason is simple. They aren't. It's not a religious thing or a Christian thing to make you feel guilty. You are human which means God created in you the desire to be intimate with someone. He also created you the desire for that intimacy to be within commitment.

Don't sell yourself short by giving away that intimacy to someone who is not committed. You are so much more valuable than that. Which is the exact reason why God set it up this way. So that the emotions and feelings that have now ensued after having sex with someone wouldn't be out there flapping in the wind. But that they would be secure and sealed. Not to say that marriage means no one ever gets left behind. But is a lot stronger way to start a intimate relationship. It is the only way to be united completely. I also believe that it seals off past relationships.

It is the bond of three cords only; you your spouse and God. Anything that is in the past is cut off. And we know one thing for sure, God supports all marriage. God, when given the opportunity is bonding agent in marriage that helps you through tough times. But God has join you together first. You can't do it yourself. What is the other famous marriage verse said at most weddings?

Lots more to come on this subject. So stay posted!

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