Friday, February 12, 2010

Damage Control

So we have been talking about why sex isn't a good idea outside of marriage. So far we have discussed two reasons why. 1} the lack of commitment. 2} the lack of protection from the enemy. The third reason that I want to discuss is damage. The damage that premarital sex has on your spirit. Remember the verse from the other post.

"Everything is permissible for me--but not everything is beneficial...All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body." 1 Cor 6:12, 18

The Greek word for body here is soma. Meaning the whole being, not just the flesh. Obviously having sex does not damage your physical body. We were created by God for sex. Moreover the act of sex was created by God to be pleasurable. But what happens when we have sex is that not only involves our physical body, it involves our heart, mind and will; that is our spirit.

We have the common misconception in our society that there is such a thing as casual sex or sex with no strings attached. The sort of evolutionary thought that sex is just a part of our animal instincts. That we can preform the act with no emotions being involved. There is no such thing! Every sexual act involves your heart, mind and will. How do we know this? Because God created sex to be the ultimate expression of intimacy between two married people. It is two people coming together as one flesh and spirit. Therefore it is impossible to have sex without every part of you being involved.

So the damage comes when there is that lack of commitment and lack of sealing of the two spirits in marriage. The devil then has access to damage you. Think of sex like the zipper in the picture above. Think of a guy being one side of the zipper and a girl being the other. When you are married the zipper closed, sealed, and smooth. You and your husband/wife are completely meshed and fastened together. Now on the other hand if you have sex outside of marriage the zipper is closed for a moment.....{sex}.....then ripped back open again. What you are left with is a single, raw, open edge. Then you attach to another zipper.....{sex}.....then that one gets ripped back open. Then another, then another, then another. Each time you are left with a raw, unfulfilled, damaged spirit. Not that the act of sex didn't feel good. But what happens over time is that the spiritual damage begins to out weigh the physical pleasure.

Your will begins to be damaged. What was once something that you were "never going to do" has been done. There has been a hole busted through the wall of your will. So each time gets a little easier. You end up with several different sexual encounters. Each time the hole gets a little bigger. Each time the devil heaps on more shame. The devil successfully talks you into believing that the more you do it the more someone will like you. You repress your shame and guilt with drugs and alcohol. It happens more and more. You even start to break your own rules for sex. Having it different in ways with different genders or multiple partners. Until finally the wall of your will is totally broken down. Sex has become easy and no big deal. The enemy has broken your will.

Your mind begins to be damaged. Each time that zipper gets ripped back open there is a residue of the other person's spirit on your zipper. So you have memories of particular encounters with someone that is no longer connected to you or is no longer a part of your life. You have flashbacks of certain people that you don't want to remember. Your mind is full of a bunch of disjointed encounters with no relationship or love attached to them. Yet in every situation they got a piece of you. So what is suppose to be satisfying memories with one person is a collection of fragmented memories of several partners. Memories of heartbreak and let down. Others begin to think about sex all the time. Everyone they come in contact with becomes a potential sexual encounter. It begins to drive every thought. They begin to be incapable of platonic friendships. Sex becomes a conquest. Lust has consumed your mind and is insatiable.

Your heart begins to be damaged. The more sexual encounters, the more tearing away, the more the emotions are traumatized. The concept of love has been totally destroyed. Because the things that have been done to you in the name of love, have not been love. So you protect yourself. You numb yourself. You harden yourself. You are more cynical, more blase about romantic relationships. You swear off relationships completely and often there is deep anger, bitterness and hurt. On the other hand you may be a total wreck. Overly emotional about little things; super happy one minute in tears the next. Every emotion is so raw, you don't know what to do with yourself. You are insecure and unsure of yourself. You feel hopeless about any future romantic relationship, let alone marriage. Your dreams have been shattered so many times. You have been wounded so many time. You are left with a broken, bleeding heart.

Now, before anyone feels like drowning themselves in the river like Ophelia let me say this...

"I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you being rooted and established in love, may have the power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ{for you}, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work in us..." Eph 3:16-20

This post has in no way to shame anyone. There is nothing that you have done that can separate you from the love and forgiveness of God. NOTHING. This post is to help you identify what may have caused some of the hurt in your life. This post is to show the damage pre-marital sex WILL cause. These are some of the things that I personally identified in my own life because of mistakes I have made. So I think we need to identify the problems before we can go about fixing them. Agree? Next I want to talk about the rebuilding of your will, the renewing of your mind and the binding up of your broken heart. Things that helped me in my healing and moving forward from my past. So stay posted!

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