Relationships: Beloved {Part Two}

Relationships Series...click here to read the overview.

***Special***Exclusive***Intimate***Captivated***Sensual***Desire***Intrigue***Charmed

"He has brought me to his banquet hall, And his banner over me is love." Song of Solomon 2:4

So in the last post we talked a little about the difference between "L-longing O-obsession" and LOVE. You need all four letters for LOVE. L-longing O-obsession V-validated E-equally. To be "in love" the feelings need to be reciprocated from the other person. So what I want to discuss in the post is a couple that are committed to one another but not married. They are in a committed relationship with one another only.

The Song of Solomon is a beautiful poem of the deep intimacy and love that God desires for us to have with one another. The first three and a half chapters of the book are the courtship between the two lovers. It is the conversations of the two pledging their love to one another and also pledging their intimacy to one another. So what does it mean to be intimate with someone prior to marriage? These days when people hear the word "intimacy" they automatically think of sex. While sex is the most intimate act that God created for two humans to experience; it should be the celebration of an intimacy already in place.

To Know

Relationships: Beloved {Part One}

Relationship Series....click here for an overview.

Beloved***Delight***Desire***Captivated***Exclusive***Sensual***Promised***Charmed

"I charge you...do not stir up or awaken my love until she pleases." Song of Solomon 8:4

So we have worked our way up the relationship chart to come to "Beloved". This is someone that you have been affected by and you have deep affection for. Hopefully the affection is for both for the physical and the spiritual in that person. Also that the affection for the spiritual is rooted in God's truth and principles.

So how do you know if you are "in love"? Well I'd say one of the most important things is that the other person feels the same way as you do. You can't be in love with someone that has not reciprocated the same feelings. Now I am not saying that you don't feel genuine love for that person. But you are only half of the equation. Think of it like this.     L-longing O-obsession V-validated E-equally

If the other person does not feel the same way about you, you only have the first part of the word...L-longing O-obsession. Also known as infatuation or a crush. Now I do not believe that it is wrong to have a crush on someone, to a certain extent. If you start lusting over that person that is a different story. But I think people can have intense feelings for someone and not be lusting. Remember God created us to have relationships. He created us to be attracted to one another. The biggest problem with a crush is that it is easy to get hurt. You have to remember to love yourself too.

Relationships: Kindred Spirit

Relationship Series...click here for an overview.

Delight***Cherish***Devotion***Integrity***Dear***Admiration***Praiseworthy***Esteem

So we have been discussing relationships. In the last couple of posts we have been discussing friends in general. This post is dedicated to some one that we would call a best friend. Someone that you have a deeper affection for more than your other friends. This could be someone of the same sex or someone of the opposite sex, but is necessarily a boyfriend or girlfriend. We will get to them in the next post.

I can think of no better example of what a kindred spirit should be than David and Jonathan in the Bible. These were two men that had a deep affection for one another. They were committed to each other and committed to God. They are a perfect example of the deeply satisfying relationships that we can have without any hint of romance being involved. Today in our society David and Jonathan's relationship could easily be misconstrued as a homoerotic relationship or a "bromance" at the very least. Which again is very sad. Society has sexualized everything to the point that it seems almost impossible to think of being friends with someone with no sexualization involved! The devil is stealing what would otherwise be a deeply satisfying, affectionate, non-sexual relationship. It doesn't have to be this way folks. Let's look at what the bible says.

Relationships: Friend {Part Two}

Relationship Series...click here to read the overview.

Fellowship***Edify***Confidant***Companion***Esteem***Trustworthy***Positive***Righteous

"Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have a sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart." 1 Peter 1:22



So we are continuing from the last post discussing the specific relationship of "friends". Friends are people that you have personally been affected by and now have affection for. What is different in this relationship compared to the "neighbor" relationship is that the feelings of affection are reciprocated. Two people are actively involved.

In this post I want to discuss the idea of fellowship with our friends. It seems that these days we have lost the true, deep fellowship that we are to have with our friends. Anytime I see the word fellowship, I think of "Lord of the Rings" or the "Knights of the Round Table". People that had such strong affection for one another that they were willing give their lives for one another. They stood together through lifes perils and challenged one another to be better humans{or elves, hobbits and dwarfs...lol}.

So the question here is why are we friends with the people we are friends with? Is it because they agree with everything we say? Is it because they have the same character weaknesses as us? Is it because they have the same addictions as us? Is it because they are weaker than us and we can control them? Is it because they are the "beautiful" people or the cool crowd? If the answer is "yes" to any of those questions, that is not the foundation for a loving relationship. You are neither loving yourself or the other person. Our friendships and affections should always bring glory to God.

Relationships: Friend {Part One}

Relationship Series...click here for the overview.

Fondness***Honor***Respect***Admiration***Empathy***Regard***Esteem***Warmness

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." Proverbs 17:17

We have covered what it is to love you enemy and to love your neighbor. Now we come to the largest group of people. Your friends. Who are your friends? Friends are people that you have personally been affected by and now have affection for. Now we saw in the last post that God can give affection for a certain group of neighbors. What is different with a friend is that the affection is reciprocated to the point that a friendship is formed. You continue to interact with this person. It isn't just a one time thing.

So with friends we already have the feeling to love. It is not something that we have to will in obedience to God's command like with the enemy and neighbor. Now for the sake of this post I want you to just think of friends in general. I am not talking about your best friend or boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse. We will get to them in the next posts. What we are discussing here are the friends that you have affection or a fondness of, not someone you are "in love" with.

Relationships: Neighbor

Relationships series...click here for the overview.

Charity***Sympathy***Compassion***Mercy***Justice***Dignity***Loving-Kindness

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and Love your neighbor as yourself." Luke 10:27

So we have discussed what it means to love our enemies. Now the next level of intimacy is our neighbors. Who are our neighbors? These are people that you actually come in personal contact with. These are the people that you live by or work with. Friends of friends or acquaintances. This is the girl in the checkout line at the grocery store. This is the lonely guy at the party. People that you have an interface with but are not friends with.

Your neighbor is also the bum on the street corner. The poor and the needy. The oppressed and forgotten. So these are people that you have been affected by personally or that God has affected your heart for personally. You hear people say "God has really given me a heart for the girls enslaved in sex trafficking." That is a call from God to love a specific neighbor. But these are people that you don't necessarily have affection for or personal relationship with. For all intents and purposes you do not call them a friend. But you are called to love.

Relationships: Enemy

Relationship series...click here for the overview.

Goodwill***Forgiveness***Reconciliation***Openness***Listening***Testify***Intercede

"Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." Luke 6:27-28

This relationship is the most broad. These are people that otherwise wouldn't fall into one of the other "relationships" we will be talking about. {see pic}. Now people either think this command is really easy because they have no enemies. Or people find it very hard because they do have an enemy and the last thing they want to do is love them. But none the less we are commanded by God to love our enemies. So lets start with the people who think they have no enemies.

When you see the word enemy think in terms of opposition. Not people that are necessarily personally opposed to you but people that are different than you. People that have different beliefs than you. People with a different theology than you. People that have different morals than you. People that are indifferent to you in any way. These are the people you are to love. Think on a global scale. These are not people that you have necessarily been in contact with or personally affected by; this is mankind in general. {we will get to neighbors in the next post}

The Lost Art of Relationships

The world seems to be in a whole lot of confusion and deception when it comes to the subject of relationships. There are tons of people out there that have been deeply hurt in this area. There are a whole lot of people out there who are desperate for love and acceptance. Sexuality in our society have been grossly mistreated. There are so many wrong things being done in the name of love that many people don't have any concept of what love is really suppose to be.

Love is not subjective to be defined by each person individually. All love is not God. God is love and therefore love should be defined by his truth and principles. Love outside the truth and principles of God is not what love is suppose to be. Now I am not saying that someone outside God's truth doesn't feel love. Love is most certainly a feeling and a emotion that is inherent to all mankind. But love is also a command from God. So that tells me that there are rules and boundaries that go with that command to define what it is suppose to look like. It also means that we are able to control it.

Song of Solomon Outline

This is by far the best outline I have found for the "Song of Solomon". It is from the Ryrie Study Bible. Although I do not agree with all of Ryrie's commentary, his outline for this book is spot on!

It is different than the breakdown in most NIV bibles, but to me it flows much better. It paints a wonderful picture of a righteous courtship, wedding and marriage that is full of passion, sex and pleasure! Just the way God created it to be!  {photos by Punam Bean}

Love All

Sex, Drugs & Rock n Roll

So I thought it would be fun to put together all the terms in the bible that refer to sexuality, drugs and drinking, with a little bit of rock n roll thrown in. This is by no means an exhaustive list. It is just information that I have gathered from Wikipedia and Greek/Hebrew lexicons.

I love history and learning the origins of particular things. I also think it is interesting to see that the devil has really not come up with any new ideas on how to bind people over the last 5000 years. Not that sex, certain drugs and rock n roll are evil in all circumstances. But this list is to show the seedy side of things. There is nothing that is happening in 2010 in the way of sin that was not happening back in the day. So if anything that should give us hope that God was able to change people back then and He is able to change people today!

Liberated Rest

In the last post we saw how the promised liberation of Eros and Bacchus was really the perpetually search for identity and fulfillment. Something I think most people find themselves doing at any particular stage in life. But what we saw with these two is the bondage that can easily be found in trying to "discover" ones self in sex and intoxication. Moreover the destruction of the truth of your identity and who God created you to be. Eros and Bacchus will no doubt leave you sexually confused, drunk and stoned on the floor crawling to find your identity.

Sounds exhausting doesn't it? Not very liberating in the least. I always thought it interesting that "bondage" was a name for kinky sex. Or that being "stoned" was a good thing. Or how about "Let's get sh**faced drunk". It's funny how words with obvious negative connotations are things that people seek out. I bet you didn't know the word orgy means "more work". Or that a Libertine is defined as someone with no moral restraint. Such is the deception and so are the lost. The devil has such a hold that the person knowingly slanders themselves but they don't even care. In the words of the famous libertine and sex addict the Marquis de Sade "Destruction, hence, like creation, is one of Nature's mandates." Spoken like the devil himself.

Liberation is Not Deliverance

When I did my "Sex, Drugs & Rock n Roll" post I spent a lot of time reading about the Greek gods during the time of the new testament. Most specifically the gods Eros{Cupid} and Dionysis{Bacchus}. Eros being the god of erotic love and Dionysis the god of wine and ecstasy. Both were given the title Eleutherios meaning 'the liberator'. The same Greek word is used several time in the new testament; most often translated as 'freedom'.

So often I found both of these gods described as the ones that could free a person from their natural self. They were the ones that would help you 'let loose' or 'let it all hang out'. Release your inhibitions and be who you have always wanted to be. A no holds bar approach to sexuality and intoxication. Isn't this what people still fall into today? The thought that pushing beyond moral constraint will bring freedom. Trying to find their true self. In that desperate search they push beyond all bounds and truth.

So let's take a look at Eros the Greek god of sexual love. There are four ancient Greek words for love and eros is one of them. Interesting that the word eros is found no where in the new testament. I think I can show you why. According to mythology Eros was born of an extra marital affair between Ares, god of blood lust and Aphrodite, goddess of beauty, sex and fertility. Being that his mother was the goddess of sex in general, Eros became more specifically associated with the erotic side of sex. Meaning infidelity, lust, and excess. He was also the patron of male lust. It seems in reading that I found Eros to never be satisfied. That lust drove him in a perpetual search that was never fulfilled. So in that same spirit he would inflict mortals with insatiable appetite.

LOVE

Bind Up the Broken

This is a post {in red}that I did a couple of months back. It has to do with things that have happened in our lives that inflict trauma and hurt. It tells us how to go about healing that wound. So since we have been talking about pre-marital sex I thought it would be good to read this in reference to the "trauma" that causes. So go ahead and read it...then I will add a few thoughts at the end.

What injury or trauma has your identity received? If you have one that comes to mind lets use an analogy and say that "that" particular trauma was your shot in the leg. Something in your emotional life that has injured you but didn't kill you. Are you with me?

So what was your initial trauma? It could have been physical abuse, sexual abuse, mental abuse. It could be sexual encounters outside of marriage. You may have been neglected or rejected by someone. Maybe it was a divorce or death of a loved one. Or it could have been negative reinforcement "you're ugly", "you're stupid", "you're weird", "you're fat", "you're a loser". Ringing any bells? This is the initial attack of the enemy on your life...usual at a young age.

Damage Control

So we have been talking about why sex isn't a good idea outside of marriage. So far we have discussed two reasons why. 1} the lack of commitment. 2} the lack of protection from the enemy. The third reason that I want to discuss is damage. The damage that premarital sex has on your spirit. Remember the verse from the other post.

"Everything is permissible for me--but not everything is beneficial...All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body." 1 Cor 6:12, 18

The Greek word for body here is soma. Meaning the whole being, not just the flesh. Obviously having sex does not damage your physical body. We were created by God for sex. Moreover the act of sex was created by God to be pleasurable. But what happens when we have sex is that not only involves our physical body, it involves our heart, mind and will; that is our spirit.

We have the common misconception in our society that there is such a thing as casual sex or sex with no strings attached. The sort of evolutionary thought that sex is just a part of our animal instincts. That we can preform the act with no emotions being involved. There is no such thing! Every sexual act involves your heart, mind and will. How do we know this? Because God created sex to be the ultimate expression of intimacy between two married people. It is two people coming together as one flesh and spirit. Therefore it is impossible to have sex without every part of you being involved.

Broken

Is Your Sex Protected?

So building off of the last post...sex outside of marriage isn't right because you have not been joined and sealed by God in marriage. The next reason sex outside of marriage isn't a good idea is because you are not protected. As with every other rule God has, He is not tying to give you a hard time He is trying to protect you. Protect you from who? The devil!

I wrote a post a week or so back about identity. How the devil from the beginning has been trying to slander the name of God and slander the image of God in us. Now when it comes to sex the devil has the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. Sex is the only act that brings to people together as one flesh and spirit. An act that was meant to be the celebration of the two God had created in His image becoming one. Both for pleasure and to multiply humans.

So there is no doubt that the devil jumped on this one as soon as he could. Because sex is a spiritual act that means the spirit world is involved. When you have sex with the person you are married to it brings glory to God's truth. When you have sex with someone you are not married to it brings glory to the slander of God's truth, that is the devil. The devil has never missed an act of un-marital sex yet!

Only God Can Join Together

So in the last post we discussed that sex outside of marriage wasn't a good idea because there is usually no commitment from the other person. Even when there is commitment of some kind you are not united or joined by God. The only way to do that is to get married to that person. Then God is able to unite and seal the relationship. Remember the red wax seals of times past? Like the one I have shown. The red wax seal was most often used by the kings and priests to authenticate that what was in the document or agreement was true. So in placing the seal the king was saying that it was true and binding. Here are a couple of examples from the Bible.

Let's Talk About Sex

So now that we have discussed a bit about what marriage should look like; I would like to move on to the notion of "Why Bother". Meaning why should I bother to get married? Does it really change anything? In most single people's minds marriage seems to be a nice, wholesome, religious practice that will take place sometime in the future. More associated with starting a family.

Until that time "sexing" seems to be the norm. See we don't call it "dating" anymore. Dating is what our grandparents or parents used to do. They used to just go to a movie or go out to dinner then give each other a quick kiss goodnight...end of story. Nice wholesome stuff.{which by the way wasn't always the case. Sex outside of marriage is by no means a new invention}. But now we go to the movie and then have sex. Go out to dinner then have sex. Go to a party...find someone to have sex. Go to college...because there's lots of sex! Oh yeah, college is the best because now you don't have to try to hide from the parents. Right? Anyways I think you get the picture.

Tie That Binds

Love and Submission

As we continue into the new testament with regards to the basis of a Godly marriage; I would like you to read a quote. This quote was one that I choose to have read at my own wedding almost eight years ago. It goes beyond the lovey dovey and to the heart of what sustains love in marriage. To me it was a refreshing message of what a husband and wife should also be.

"The basis of marriage is not mutual affection or feelings of emotions and passions that we associate with love, but a vocation, a being elected to build together a house for God in this world, to be like the cherubs whose outstretched wings sheltered the ark of the covenant and created a space where Yahweh could be present...The real mystery of marriage is not that a husband and wife love each other so much that they can find God in each others lives, but that God loves them so much that they can discover each other more and more as living reminders of His divine presence. They are brought together, indeed, as two prayerful hands extended toward God and forming in this way a home for Him in this world." Henri Nouwen from Clowning in Rome

Separate In Form but Equal In Image {Part 2}

continued from previous post...click here.

So now we know what God intended for sex and marriage to be before the fall. How does this change after the fall? Or does it change at all? Before we get to the eating of the sin fruit I want to clear up a few things.

In the last blog we talked about the male and female aspect of God. That both male and female were created in his image. That I believed the female aspect of God is the Holy Spirit. {You may want to read the last blog if you are confused.} What I want to be clear on is that when we worship God we worship God. That is to say we do not worship His male or female aspect in body but in spirit. God is not part god and part goddess. God is God. God is Father, Son and Holy Spirit. None of which now have a bodily form. They are spirit. That is why God was and still is against graven images or idols. It is making gods or goddesses into bodily form and then worshipping them. It is not right. So take comfort in knowing that God has both male and female aspects but worship God; not male or female.

Separate In Form but Equal In Image {Part One}

Since February is known commercially as the month of love, I thought it may be a good time to discuss my thoughts on the subject.

Relationships are a part of every one's lives. More importantly romantic relationships seem to be the longing of the human race. Everyone wants to feel loved, right? But what is happening in the name of love? Sex is huge and is in our face constantly. Sex outside of marriage is the norm. Marriage is disposable, if attempted at all. Marriage is no longer the celebration of two people's love and commitment but instead the demand for legal recognition of a particular relationship. Within those who actually do marry the incidence of abuse, infidelity and divorce is sky high. There is also confusion over what roles gender plays. So what's the deal? What is marriage suppose to be? What did God intend it to be? What does it mean to be male or female? Have we interpreted what the Bible says about marriage and gender in respect to the glory and character of God?

Humility